The Black Blade: A Gull Village Story

Delivery Time: 7 to 15 Working Days Format: Book

Fenn is too young to be expected to hunt, fish, and otherwise support his family. He is even too young to fly a seagull. Yet he is eager to prove he can pull his weight. With his older brother Pitr, and their clever friend Jayd, they set out to do just that until an encounter with a wild crow forces Fenn to admit he just isn't ready yet. Unexpectedly, he is invited on his very first family hunt. It is the happiest day of his young life, until he spots a stranger in the forest and becomes separated from his party. Finding himself in unknown territory, Fenn becomes embroiled in the legacy of a war fought between the Gull tribe and the Crow tribe a generation ago, and now threatens to break out again unless he can bring the two once-united peoples together. But first, he must be found. The Black Blade is the first in a series of stories based in a land inhabited by small creatures who have learned to domesticate and harness the power of the larger birds in order to hunt, fish and eke out a living on the harsh pre-ice-age North Atlantic coast, long before humans or other larger mammals ever existed here.
This excerpt still needs a significant amount of work before it will be a worthwhile piece of fiction, but I think it has the potential to reach that point. One thing that the author needs to work on is making each sentence clear and easy to read. There are quite a few very awkwardly phrased sentences in the excerpt; many of these could be improved simply by dividing them into two sentences or by adding a few well-placed commas. I’d suggest that the author gets someone new to the manuscript to read it aloud, especially focusing on where the pauses fall in each sentence. Missing commas and stringing together too many phrases without proper conjunctions can destroy an otherwise perfect sentence, and it can be easier to find these errors when listening to someone read them. I truly believe this would greatly improve the quality of the story. Something that might take a more significant effort to fix is the lack of information provided to the readers about the world in which the story takes place. World creating is a tricky thing, and authors often struggle to give enough information about their fantasy land to elucidate the story without boring the readers. The author seems to have gone too far to the other extreme, by giving the readers almost no idea what is actually happening. The characters are strong and the action sequence on the water is well composed, so I really do thing the story could have merit if its weaknesses are addressed.
I really liked this one a lot. I felt like this would really please fans of fantasy and adventure. The characters were all fully developed and well-realized and I literally felt like I knew them all well after only reading about them for a short amount of time. Fenn, Jayd and Pitr are a trio of young ones that I would highly enjoy reading more about. I could see them having a ton of adventures and battles with the crow-tribe. I was also really impressed with the author and how they constructed a world where characters ride on seagulls and hunt fish that WE would consider small but to them are the size of whales. The salmon hunt was enticing and thrilling. I loved every second of this part! I think my favorite aspect came with the voice of Jinn. Pitr and Fenn's mother. She was such a gripping and relateable woman to read about. You could feel the stress of the situation bearing down hard on her as she struggles to keep her husband sick from the salt-water fever that is wracking his body and also to save young Fenn as he fights infection from his broken arm. You can't help but have felt sympathy for her. I really loved this entry. My favorite one so far!