The Diva Code: Miss Piggy on Life, Love, and the 10,000 Idiotic Things Men Frogs Do

Take, for example, Miss Piggy's insights on a few of the idiotic things men frogs do...

HE'S JUST NOT READY TO COMMIT--You give him the pleasure of your company (plus untold hours of prep time) and in return he's not willing to commit to anything. Mention a romantic getaway, a steady and exclusive dating policy, a long-term relationship, marriage . . . and he runs for the exit!
WHAT VOUS NEED TO DO: The best defense is a good offense, which means that you must never give up trying to make him commit. Remember: Never stop being offensive.

HE'S STATUS OBSESSED--It's all about the label, the fancy car, the platinum-encrusted watch, the vacation place in Gstaad, and the showy perks.
WHAT VOUS NEED TO DO: Give moi his number.

HE'S A NARCISSIST--This guy can usually be found at the gym defining his triceps, biceps, bicuspids, you name it. And when he's not pumping iron, he's primping in front of the mirror--tweezing, conditioning, moisturizing, and otherwise invading your personal grooming space.
WHAT VOUS NEED TO DO: Ask yourself if he's such a hunk that he's worth it. If so, get more mirrors. If not, dump him . . . but get more mirrors anyway. After all, narcissism isn't a bad thing if it's about vous.